I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
