is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
