i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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