11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
