i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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