so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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