I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
