just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
