I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
