I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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