She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
