Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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