i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
