I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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