I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
