I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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