I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
