I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
should my penis look like a turkey
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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