I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
