i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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