This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
