So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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