Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
