i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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