i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
