you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
