nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
