Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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