apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
