I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
