I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
