Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
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