While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
