Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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