That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
