I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
