i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
