Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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