how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
