There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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