I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
