only if we run a train.
done.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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