I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
