he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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