sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
my being single is dangerous.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
