TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
