I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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