I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
