So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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