but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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