I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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