I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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