I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
