the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
