nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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