y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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