this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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