i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
