fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
