the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
