i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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