If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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