At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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