i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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