On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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