he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
