i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
