In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
