Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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