where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i would punch a child for taco bell
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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