shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
