Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
