ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
