remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize