The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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