I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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