I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
