I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
