oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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