I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
tell me about the eggs
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
