Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
